The Strangest Call I Overheard at Office

The strangest call I overheard at Office…

Location: Desk of a colleague

Time: Around 3 PM

Call Type: Really Pesky Telemarketer Call.

The call was from some Big Name Bank wanting to convince my colleague to put in his hard earned money into infestments (thats how the caller pronouced “investments”). My colleague was pretty bugged(pun intended) by now that he was getting so many unsolicited calls on his work number so he wanted to have some fun and put the call on speakerphone.

From here on I will refer to the Telemarketer as TM and my Colleague as C and I overheard from this part onwards:

TM: Please saar infest some of your money in our XYZ funt (fund) or Midi-Kapi (mid cap) infestments.

C: Am not interested in this please. Please do not call at this number again.

TM: But saar this is a very eggciting offer we have to give you ….

C: Am not interested in this … please do not disturb me at work.

C: How did you get this number

TM: Sorry sir to disrupt you at work, you work a large company ? no ?

C: Actually I dont work for a large company…

TM(confused): You work for what then saar ?

C: I have my own business.

TM: What kind of business ?

C: Charayam distillation and distribution (Charayam - Liquor)

TM(Really Confused): Sir are you being serious ?

C: Yes of course …you asked me what business and this is what I do. Is there a problem ?

TM: Actually yes there may be a problem as we require Tax filing proofs.

C: Yes that may be a problem as I dont have tax proofs.

TM (Stunned silence): …..

C: Actually I have never filed taxes in my life ….

C: Come to think of it ..I could get into trouble if I filed taxes ..yes ?

TM (Still shocked): …..um… hmmm… err …

TM( Trying to recover): Saaar do you have a bank account ?

C: I dont have a bank account …that is only for white money !

TM: Saar what do you mean ?

C: I mean I also have my own printing press for Rs 500 & Rs 1000 notes …so I dont have to ever worry about money or taxes ….and so I dont need a bank … I print when I need money !

TM (Still stunned silence …I can hear background noise but no voice still): …..

C: Would you like to come join my operations …I am looking to expand into Banking line since anyways I can print money ..need to make some white money… need some marketing support …

TM: Sssir … please be serious…

C: I am serious … I have a job offer for you monthly pay : as many bundles of Rs500 you can print in 2 hours. How is that …when can you join me at work here ?

TM: S.s.s sir I have to talk to my supervisor …

C: Please go talk to your supervisor and not call this number again. “Click”

TM: “Click”

Note: This seems to be an increasing problem office facilities where we receive calls from outside numbers where the banks/card/loan companies seem to have found one number and then use that number to then dial all other extensions in sequence till they find someone who answers.

From our side we see an unknown number but cant ignore the call just in case it is either a team member/onsite member/family member trying to reach you in an emergency.

I dont have a solution to the problem other than such creative answers to give when bugged at work or on the mobile phone by telemarketers … let us be polite …but can we be creative ? Yes Of Course !


Category: category

Exit Loneliness @WWW

An interesting and sad article from the Economic Times. It talks about how older people have become adept at using the WWW to keep loneliness at bay.

As much as the older folk pretend that they are fine with their living conditions there is no denying the fact that they miss their children who are "well settled" abroad in high paying jobs. These parents make do with the support of their local relatives, friends and neighbors and of course now the WWW.

To the dude who bought his father a laptop computer and his equally cool sister who bought their dad computer course material ... its a decent gift and must have cost a pretty packet and all that but it doesn’t replace being there with the folks and making sure they are doing okay specially in their old age when health issues begin to take over. Sending email and calling a couple of times a week do not suffice! I know I have no details of the reasons for the kids to be away from their parents but I still think it is not right to leave ones parents alone especially in their old age and that too several continents away.

Other countries may do things differently but I have seen how pathetic life is for people living in old-age/retirement homes (both in India and abroad). I agree old people can be cranky and difficult but the answer is not as simple as putting them in a home as soon as they cross 70 yrs in age. They need their privacy and freedom as everyone else but also need a lot of support of the emotional kind and not just the monetary kind at their age.

Category: brain drain rant

More Poos Padams

Coming up with titles is increasingly difficult so am re-hashing my old post title. These were shot at home in Chennai:

(Clicking on the photos opens up larger copies)

Category: Photo Flower Macro

Landscape Photos

Thought I would start my first post for 2006 on a positive note. The following are two of several pictures I took when I went to California in 2003 (I went only because my close friend Rajesh & his wife Padmaja insisted).I have to thank them once again for taking me to such awesome places and for their amazing hospitality when I was there.

There was an end of year photo contest for our division at work and ... I got first place for these two photos (luckily the theme was natural beauty and since the only restriction was that the photos should have been taken by the person submitting them it was good for me). The prize was a gift receipt for a local restaurant. I did get a kick out of the fact that finally I won something for my photos.

(Clicking on the photos open up larger versions)







Category: Photo

Why did the chicken cross the road?

If you have worked in IT Consulting you will realise the following answer to a simple question could have only been answered by an over priced consultant from one of the Big Five Consulting companies (PWC,Anderson,KPMG,CGEY,D&T). I use the following also as a cheat sheet when responding to RFPs where I need to use big fancy words.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening it's dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Big Five Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking it's physical distribution strategy and implementation process. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Big Five helped the chicken use it's skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chickens people, processes and technology in support of it's overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Big Five Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Big Five consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution.


Category: Software Industry Humour

Project Management Proverbs

This has been out on the net for years but came across it again today. The IT Project Management Proverbs I & II. Of these I liked the following the most:

• Any project can be estimated accurately (once it's completed).
• The most valuable and least used WORD in a project manager's vocabulary is "NO".
• The most valuable and least used PHRASE in a project manager's vocabulary is "I don't know".
• Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it.
• You can con a sucker into committing to an impossible deadline, but you cannot con him into meeting it.
• At the heart of every large project is a small project trying to get out.
• Too few people on a project can't solve the problems - too many create more problems than they solve.
• A change freeze is like the abominable snowman: it is a myth and would anyway melt when heat is applied.
• A user is somebody who tells you what they want the day you give them what they asked for.
• What you don't know hurts you.
• A badly planned project will take three times longer than expected - a well planned project only twice as long as expected.
• It takes one woman nine months to have a baby. It cannot be done in one month by nine women.
• Fast - cheap - good: you can have any two.
• Good project management is not so much knowing what to do and when, as knowing what excuses to give and when.
• If everything is going exactly to plan, something somewhere is going massively wrong.
• For a project manager overruns are as certain as death and taxes.
• Some projects finish on time in spite of project management best practices.
• Good project managers admit mistakes: that's why you so rarely meet a good project manager.
• There is such a thing as an unrealistic timescale. The more ridiculous the deadline the more money will be wasted trying to meet it.
• The first 90% of a project takes 10% of the time the last 10% takes the other 90%.
• The project would not have been started if the truth had been told about the cost and timescale.
• To estimate a project, work out how long it would take one person to do it then multiply that by the number of people on the project.
• When the weight of the project paperwork equals the weight of the project itself, the project can be considered complete.
• There is no such thing as scope creep, only scope gallop - Anything that can be changed will be changed until there is no time left to change anything.
• If project content is allowed to change freely the rate of change will exceed the rate of progress.
• If you can interpret project status data in several different ways, only the most painful interpretation will be correct.
• A project gets a year late one day at a time.
• If you're 6 months late on a milestone due next week but nevertheless really believe you can make it, you're a project manager.
• No project has ever finished on time, within budget, to requirement - yours won't be the first to.
• The first myth of management is that it exists.
• If an IT project works the first time, it is wrong.
• The person who says it will take the longest and cost the most is the only one with a clue how to do the job.
• Difficult projects are easy, impossible projects are difficult, miracles are a little trickier.

Category: Software Industry Project Management